A few months back I began working on a comic about my dad and how my upbringing has affected me.
After rewriting some pages and a few minor image changes I consider it finished. Though I’m not 100 % sure on the last panel… Maybe less tears would feel better… ’cause I don’t feel sorry for myself.
Maybe I did when I wrote it… But today the sun is shining and I’m thinking that a romantic relationship isn’t the goal of my life now anyway.
These daddy-issues are actually working in my advantage at the moment. They are probably what spurred my creativity in the first place.
Anywayzzz, here it is. Very bad quality, but when I print it it’ll look much nicer. Might make a fanzine of it for SPX… We’ll see.
I like it.
It’s fifteen pages.
If you’ve read the previous version you can scroll down and enjoy the last two pages of the story.
No, none of us understood any of it, but we both knew that this was the most beautiful gift he had ever given to anyone ever.
Two years… without a word… and then… the most beautiful gift…
That is so fucked up.
The sad thing about it all is that I know that his behaviour has shaped me.
I get obsessed with guys that give me a little attention and then turn cold.
Oh, God. The last one was extremely daddy-issue-projected…
Will I ever learn?
No. No I’ll never learn.
It’s as if there is no true love for me…
only a bottomless need to be seen.
Please dear good God, prove me wrong.
My sister told me that the last comic I posted could be hurtful. Therefore it has now been removed until I’ve thought this through properly. I often do things without thinking them through. I count myself lucky to have friends and family to keep me awake and point out my errors so I can better myself. Thank you Ullis. Utan dig är jag en spillra på ett mörkt och stormigt hav.
Petra moved out today. A new girl is moving in tomorrow. Weird. I really liked having Petra in the house. She has such a mellow and warm aura. She’s a loving-kindness-type of person. She just wanted everybody to get along… Reminded me so much of my ex, B…
He was a good man. There are good men out there. But… I don’t want a good man. I don’t deserve a good man.
“He’s a good man, loves his mama, loves music and comic books too. I’m a bad girl, ’cause I don’t even miss him. I’m a bad girl for breaking his heart. And I’m free… free fallin'”
I’ll just keep on keeping on until my well runs dry. I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve and fall in love and get hurt again and again and then I’ll take my pen in hand and draw my heart out again and again and again.
I accept changes in my life. I feel like I’ve let go so many times now that I don’t fear losing people anymore. There are so many people in this world… So many places. So many lives. And mine’s just started. I feel free. Alive. Complete. Independent.
The only one person I couldn’t bear loosing is Ulrika. Without her my world would fall apart.
In conclusion I’ll let Lady Sovereigns words ring true in your ears:
Love her or hate her, it’s still an obsession, you know…
It’s a lot smarter to forgive than to hate.
Let yourself heal.
Be kind and mellow, even to those who call you their enemy.
I will always choose goodness.
Tillägg: ironiskt att jag postar ett inlägg direkt efter detta där jag är obetänksam och ond. Det är borttaget nu. Men ändå. Ibland är jag för självupptagen för mitt eget bästa. Tragiskt. Jag vill vara god. Hjälp mig att vara god.