I answered these questions a month or so back but never posted them anywhere. Right now, with this never ending grayness hovering over the city, I needed to remind myself of good times past… so here goes:
1) What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
2009 was the beginning of the rest of my life. I turned 25 and it was the first birthday I spent away from mom and my sisters. This was the year of independence for me. The year when I said goodbye to all my safety-nets and found that I’m strong enough to manage on my own.
1a) Was 2009 a good year for you?
Well, duh. Only like THE BEST!
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
One moment? ONE? This entire year has just BEEN moments goddamnit! Okay… I should choose a moment I haven‘t written a blog post about…
The night I arrived in Stockholm. I got off the train and saw couples rejoin after separations of travel on the platform. Seeing them made me happy. I knew my feelings were pure. There was no sense of envy. Only beauty and love. Then I phoned my sister (Ullis). She was gonna pick me up at central station, but hadn’t arrived yet.
We spoke on the phone for a while… I told her about a book I was reading on the train… and then she scared the living crap out of me by sneaking up behind me! I jumped, screamed and hugged her like crazy. Felt a rush of happiness. We danced around and laughed. Oh joy!
Nothing will ever come between us, Ullis. You are my life. Det finns inget som är som en syster. Ingen kan förstå mig som du. Ingen är så trygg som du. Ingen kan göra mig så förtvivlad som du. Ingen kan jag skratta så djupt och hjärtligt och lättsamt och igenkännande med som med dig. Du får aldrig lämna mig. Aldrig!
Or that day when Bella took me for the long walk on Djurgården and we ended up in Rosendals trädgårdar and we sat there in the grass, me and her, with the afternoon sun and the stillness of nature and the calm people around us.
It was B’s birthday and I didn’t call him. The first birthday of his since many years back that I didn’t make him breakfast in bed or pamper him to make his day special.
Bella drank coffee and I had a beer. We shared some sort of homemade cake (that I spilled beer on. do’h.) and the light through the trees was orange and dreamy. This was in August. The sun set slowly.
On the way back we decided to pick flowers. I made a bouqet for R. I wasn’t certain of whether I could give him flowers yet. We hadn’t been seeing each other for very long. Only a weak or so. But Bella said he’d only enjoy them.
Walking up and down those isles of planted flowers in the evening sun. Just me and the stillness of the gardens. Bella some isles away. I picked gerberas. Red, yellow and orange gerberas. My favorite flower.
That was a perfect moment.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
That day/night in NY when me and J tried to get in contact with the other Swedes and failed. Nooo… there were actually many amazing things about that night.
I’m taking that one back…
With K at café Tabak maybe.
That was uncomfortable. naahhh… that’s not my least favorite moment…
God, this is hard! It feels as if I’ve enjoyed every moment in some way or the other… My darkest moments have become great lessons of life that I’ve drawn strength from. I was heartbroken a couple of times, really really heartbroken, but smiling through my tears all the time. ’cause it was so beautiful to be able to feel something.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
The old me. I felt as if this year was a rite of passage where I let some parts of me die, to make room for this new being. A being without fear, without dependence, worry or anxiety.
5) What are your plans for 2010?
To live fearless and experience greatness.
6) What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
There weren’t many things missing in 2009. 2009 was an amazing year. I loved almost every moment. So I guess I’ll go with just writing J. ‘Cause it’d be nice to have’im. But it’s fine if I don’t. There will allways come new summer mornings. New sunsets. New friends and lovers. I will sweep through the days of this life like a soft breeze, stroking the cheeks of passersby on my way towards the kingdom of heavenly bliss… (I do have a poetic side to me, don’t I?)